Love Languages in Action

jshepherd1831

Dec 16, 20233 min read

"How International Couple Kaybeen's Long Distant Realtionship Taught Them The Importance Of Love Languages"

This is the first time I have ever attempted to tell the story of us. It feels weird and like I should start with "Once Upon A Time," but here goes nothing.

My name is Kay (also known as The Musing Girl SA on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok) and I'm a South African living in South Korea. My partner's name is HanBin and he's Korean.

We Met during the pandemic in the conventional way that most people do...an adorable meer-cute in a cafe...Nope. Actually, we met on a dating app. The part about our first date being in a cafe is true though haha.

We clicked almost immediately, although I had my reservations, our relationship just developed naturally as if we had known each other before.

However, on our second date - a trip to Gyeongju (yes, I went on a road trip with a guy I barely knew but I'm alive to tell the story so we're all good) I got some unfortunate news.

I was in the middle of trying to switch work visas here in Korea and it didn't work out. I had to go home for at least six months. Usually, if a girl tells you she has to leave the country on the second date most guys would run away - but not HanBin. He was so supportive to the point where my cynical self couldn't believe it. On a random road trip in Gyeongju, nestled in the car during the cold winter, that was the moment I fell for him.

And as romantic as this sentiment was - after moving back home, things weren't easy. Long distance realtionships (LDRs) can bring out a lot of issues in a relationship and in this case, early on. It's probably because of the lack of physical connection (just simply being in each other's presence) and the ease of misunderstanding.

However, when a couple is determined to be together - a long distance realtionship brings about something beautiful.

During this time we learned how to communicate with each other in an effective way based on the other person's needs. This is where the importance of love languages kicked in.

For those of you who don't know these are the five love languages in no particular order:

Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Gifts (giving and receiving)
Acts of Service

Whilst many of us know our love languages already this is not that common practice among Koreans. They are quicker to believe in the power of MBTI which trust me, I am a firm believer of now hahaha. Being an INFJ in a realtionship with an INTJ is a learning experience in itself.

In typing that and to cut a long story short, my love languages are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. While the former is far more easier to achieve in an LDR the latter is practically impossible. And actually, the T in the INTJ (fact-loving and almost completely logical) of HanBin couldn't understand the the F of my INFJ (emotional and needing compassion) for a long time so Words of Affirmation were a struggle too. Meanwhile, HanBin's love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time. Now try catering to those two from a 24 hour flight away hehe.

When we first started dating we bonded over the fact that we had soooo much in common. However, the above proved to be quite the barrier going into our LDR - but somehow we made it out! Luckily, our communication styles matched well and we both valued being honest with each other at any given moment over pride and games.

We learned how to make our love languages work over the unexpectedly long year that I was away. HanBin learned how to approach my emotions first before offering solutions and I learned how to provide Acts of Service even virtually. It turned out that love languages in an LDR were what you made them.

I came back to Seoul almost exactly a year later and two years into our relationship now, looking at us, you'd think we've been together for several more years. We've "figured each other out," and are still working through this everyday, but it has been so worth it!

If you resonate with our story and would like to see more of us, please subscribe to our YouTube channel Kaybeen Studios. We will be launching in 2024 and would appreciate any and all support. Thanks for reading!